Introduction

I want to preface this by saying that I am not an expert in anything I am talking about, but I just want to contribute to the conversation, hopefully in a positive way. By mapping out my own journey and documenting the process, I can grow as well.

A Child Stuck in a Man’s Body

I tend to feel like a child. Even though I have bills to pay, can buy a plane ticket, and make my own doctor appointments, I always feel like I’m missing a page. Like I haven’t gotten there yet. In society, men are shown as tough, smart, and independent, among other traits. What comes to your mind when you think of a man? Does your image fit any of these descriptions? Today, the word “man” can be contentious when it comes to gender or the toxic masculine stereotype. I’m not here to debate any of those things. What I am here to do is define my definition of a man in terms of how I want to be in the future, and in terms of men and people, in general, I look up to because I feel like I am not there yet. As I said, I feel like I’m missing a page, and I realized that I have to write that page myself.

I have to be honest with myself: I’m not where I want to be in life. I’m not even where I need to be in life. If it weren’t for my family, I would be out on the streets. That’s an exaggeration, but honestly, I don’t have the funds at this moment to live on my own it hurts to know that I can’t be independent. It makes me feel lesser. It makes me feel like not a man. It makes me feel like a child. So how am I going to grow up and how do I define a man?

Who is Man?

A man is defined in the Oxford Dictionary as an adult male human being. So, let’s define an adult: an adult is a person who is fully grown or developed. At this moment in my life, I can say that I am a human being and I am fully grown. I’ve even reached the age where my frontal lobe is supposed to be fully developed. I’ve worn the same shoes for the past five years, and my height and weight have barely changed, so I would conclude that I do qualify as a man. So why don’t I feel like it?

What is Man?

To me, being a man isn’t about lifting the most weights, having the most money, or getting into fights. Instead, I believe a man is disciplined, financially stable, and has a purpose and a goal. However, I’m struggling with these aspects at the moment. Here, I’ll define why I think these qualities define a man, discuss how I’m lacking in these areas, and outline my plans for improvement. By laying it all out and examining it, I hope to grow as a person. Sharing this puts me in a vulnerable position, as I must admit that I’m struggling and not content with where my life is at the moment. Yet, my aim is progress, so why not prosper together?

• While I possess some level of discipline, it’s not as strong as it could be. I have enough money to survive, but not to truly live. The goals I’ve achieved have left me feeling empty, as I’ve failed to pursue new ones or find a new purpose. I’m sharing my story to connect with others who may be facing similar challenges and to document my journey of growth.

Currently, my biggest challenge is maintaining discipline in various aspects of my life. As a Muslim, I struggle to pray on time consistently, despite the obligation to do so five times a day. Additionally:

• My diet lacks discipline, as I often eat out and struggle to stick to a consistent plan, especially when trying to gain weight.
• Maintaining a regular training schedule at the gym is another struggle, often feeling like I’m just going through the motions.
• Although I want to read more, I find it difficult to sit down with a book and immerse myself in it as I used to.
• Neglecting stretching may seem trivial, but I recognize its importance for maintaining joint health in the long term.

Financially, I’m currently struggling, seeking to find my place where I can make a meaningful impact.

3.5

Purpose and Goal

After returning from living in Ghana, I experienced a sense of failure. My content wasn’t performing as well, and my income had decreased. My previous goal was to showcase a unique side of Africa while spreading positivity online. However, I felt lost when my content didn’t resonate as before, especially as my videos weren’t reaching my followers.

• Despite initially meeting my fitness goals, such as reaching a weight of 130 and participating in Spartan races, I’ve lacked direction in my fitness journey.
• Additionally, I’ve had a steady source of income in the past, but I’m currently not financially independent.

Now, my new purpose is to travel and enhance my content creation skills. However, turning this dream into reality requires effort:

• Improve photography skills to capture captivating images.
• Enhance video production abilities to create engaging travel content.
• Strengthen technical skills in computer science to secure remote work opportunities.
• Re-engage in running to participate in more Spartan races.
• Maintain a consistent meal plan to achieve physical growth.

Ultimately, my fitness goals include running another Spartan race and reaching a weight of 140, a goal I’ve struggled to achieve due to a lack of discipline.

These are just some of my goals—the ones I’m willing to share publicly. It’s important to keep some anonymity because you never know who might be wishing you harm. I hope none of you are like that, ha ha, but honestly, these are some of my most important goals and the ones that I think most people are trying to attain in some form. I’ll tell you in future blogs how I’m implementing things to accomplish these goals and writing blogs with information and resources that will help us climb the steps we are taking.

Conclusion

I still am not sure what a man is, but these are things I am going to implement in my own life to be a better person and make my future brighter. I hope you can take some of these with you as well. Thanks for reading, and until next time, have a good day.

Ahamed Saho